Goodbye, WordPress. Hello Tumblr!

It has been a wonderful experience with WordPress, but Diamond Personnel has moved to a new blog:

Please check us out at this exciting new blog for update information, orientation details, photos and more!


— Diamond Personnel, April 2012.

Another Heart Warming Response from Hong Kong!

Thank you Diamond Personnel for giving me an opportunity to work there in canada I didn’t expect that in just a short period of time I was able to have an employer..To Ms.Edward thank you mam for hiring me,it’s a pleasure and im looking forward to work with your family,I won’t promise anything but i will do my very best to be a good and effective caregiver.
To Ms.Shauna I can’t really express my gratitude for giving me this chance Thank you….
To Ms.Mary thanks for all the support and helping me…
Diamond personnel THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!your the best,more power!!!

This is Why We do What We Do!

Hi Nannies,

Please take a look at this heart warming response from a candidate who’s dreams diamond has made come true!

Meracel Calaclan:

Diamond was introduced to me by a friend last August. I was hesitant then to apply considering wide hiring scams in the labor market. Until a month after, I decide to attend orientation and got the confidence to apply and then last week was a really big WOW! I was hired on the spot! And not only that guys, I am so lucky I got a very nice employer in Canada. Thank you very much DIAMOND, you are the best! You are really worth trusting!

Minister Kenney Announces Important Change for Live-in Caregivers

Extracted from –

OTTAWA, ONTARIO, Dec 15, 2011 (MARKETWIRE via COMTEX) — Live-in caregivers will be able to get open work permits about 18 months sooner, thanks to a processing change announced today by Citizenship, Immigration and Multiculturalism Minister Jason Kenney.

“Too many live-in caregivers have completed their work obligations but must continue living in the home of their employer, waiting for their application for permanent residence to be reviewed,” said the Minister. “This is understandably frustrating. That’s why we have started issuing open work permits to live-in caregivers as soon as they have completed their obligations and submitted an application for permanent residence.”

The Live-in Caregiver Program (LCP) allows Canadian families to hire workers from abroad to provide care to a child, an elderly person or an adult with disabilities when there is a demonstrated shortage of Canadians and permanent residents to fill available positions. Caregivers are obliged to work for two years, or 3,900 hours, and then become eligible to apply for permanent residence in Canada.

Until now, live-in caregivers waited for an initial approval on their application for permanent residence before being eligible for an open work permit. An open work permit allows the caregiver to move out of their employer’s home and seek jobs in other fields, if that is their wish. As of December 11, 2011, all live-in caregivers who had met their obligations and submitted an application for permanent residence have had their files reviewed. Those who submitted an open work permit application with no missing information are being issued open work permits.

“I’d also like to thank the Toronto Caregiver Resource Centre for advocating on behalf of caregivers and bringing this situation to my attention,” the Minister added.

The LCP is a demand-based program and the number of caregivers accepted as permanent residents generally corresponds with the number who came to Canada as temporary foreign workers (TFWs) a few years earlier. For instance, about 4,700 live-in caregivers entered the program as TFWs in 2002, and about 4,500 permanent residents were accepted through the Live-in Caregiver Class in 2005. More than 7,200 caregivers entered the program in 2005 and about 10,400 individuals, including spouses and dependants of those caregivers, became permanent residents through the Live-in Caregiver Class three years later.

In 2010, CIC admitted a record number of permanent residents through the Live-in Caregiver Class-nearly 14,000 in all-corresponding with the record number of live-in caregivers who entered the country as TFWs in 2007.

In both 2009 and 2010, about five percent of all permanent residents to Canada were admitted through the Live-in Caregiver Class, a huge percentage for any single occupation.

However, the number of caregivers entering the program has declined every year since 2007.

“The change I have announced today will help caregivers settle into their new life in Canada while they wait for their permanent resident applications to be processed,” the Minister added. “And with the significant improvements being made to our global case processing system, my department’s officers will be better able to manage the file load between Canada and missions abroad and improve the efficiency of that processing.”

The Government of Canada has taken action to protect live-in caregivers from abuse and exploitation with regulatory improvements implemented in the Live-in Caregiver Program in 2010 and the Temporary Foreign Worker Program in 2011. Changes include:

        --  allowing live-in caregivers to apply for permanent residence after 3,900
            work hours, rather than two years of work, to ensure overtime is
            appropriately recognized;
        --  the elimination of the need for a second medical examination when the
            caregiver applies for permanent residence;
        --  increasing the amount of time a caregiver has to complete their work
            obligations, from three years to four;
        --  the adoption of a standardized employment contract that ensures both
            parties agree to the salary, hours of work, vacation time, overtime,
            holidays, sick leave, and the terms of termination and resignation;
        --  defining the costs the employer is obliged to pay, including the
            caregiver's travel expenses in coming to Canada, medical insurance,
            workplace safety insurance and third-party representative fees;
        --  emergency processing of work permits and employer authorizations to hire
            live-in caregivers who have been abused and need to leave their
            employment immediately;
        --  a dedicated phone service for live-in caregivers through the
            department's Call Centre;
        --  an assessment of the genuineness of the job offer, including
            confirmation that the caregiver would be residing in a private residence
            and providing child care, senior home support care or care of a disabled
            person in that household without supervision, as well as whether the
            employer has sufficient financial resources to pay the wages of the
            caregiver and whether the accommodations being provided are adequate;
        --   a two-year period of ineligibility from hiring foreign workers,
            including live-in caregivers, for employers who have failed to live up
            to the terms of past job contracts.

Jo Frost: What it’s like to be SuperNanny…

Extracted from –—what-its-really-like-to-be-supernanny/20658.html


TV’s very own Mary Poppins tells MFM all about working in the US, offering tips to the stars and how she came up with the famed naughty step…

Jo explains how she tackled working in the USA
A modern day Mary Poppins!

The US move was exciting

It was just like doing my nanny job abroad, and I’d already worked with US families, so I was excited rather than anxious. Plus, the whole process was so quick, I didn’t have time to worry about how they’d receive me.

Mary Poppins was part of the publicity

There’s no nanny system in the US – anyone who takes care of children is called a babysitter – so people in the states have a high regard for the English nanny. The only one they really know is Mary Poppins, and her name was mentioned in all the pre-show publicity. I was proud that it was good PR for English nannies, after some of the bad press we’ve had.

At first they thought I was an actress

As so many US reality shows are scripted, everyone thought I wasn’t really a nanny, so it was fantastic when viewers started coming up to me and saying, “Your technique really works.” It was the same with the families I was going in to help: I don’t think they realised when they signed up that there would actually be a lot of hard graft involved.

They didn’t get my accent

I had to speak a bit slower at first because they couldn’t understand me. Then I’d tell children to put their pants on, meaning underwear, but they’d reach for their trousers, and I had to remember to say diaper instead of nappy. In the end the editing team compiled a board of ‘Jo-isms’: things I’d say that they didn’t understand, which they found really funny!

US families aren’t that different

Fundamentally, the parenting problems are the same as in England. I think that US families do seem to have a very positive outlook on life, though, which is great because I share that.

Parents need to take more responsibility

It’s a bad climate at the moment and governments could do more to help, but we need to take responsibility for our own families too, rather than blaming someone else when things go wrong.

It’s about sticking to your guns…

Decide how you’re going to parent and then be accountable for those decisions. It’s much more productive to focus on what you do want, rather than what you don’t want. I also want parents to realise that it’s all about enjoying the experience. Yes, there will always be ups and downs, but that’s all part of good parenting.

…but not being too stubborn to accept advice

It’s gotten to a point where parents get defensive when other people attempt to give them advice about their children. I sometimes tell parents things that the grandparents already know, but are too scared to say because they don’t want to affect the relationship they have with the parents and grandchildren. We must learn to accept that it’s just advice, not criticism.

Celebrities call me with their parenting problems

I’ve worked with two celebrity families on US Supernanny – one was Brian Wilson’s [of the Beach Boys] daughter and the other was a basketball player – and I do get other celebrities calling me for help. They have the same problems as every other parent. To their kids they’re just mum or dad.

I’ve been on the brink of tears many times

I’ve done more than a hundred families now, and every one touches me. I’ve worked with a mother who has two young children. It was the father who contacted me for help – he was dying of stomach cancer. As soon as I agreed to come along, he passed away, so I was in the home helping out a week after he was buried. I cried every day. The little girl kept asking “Where’s daddy?” I got family and friends to make video clips of their memories of him so she’d have them when she grew up, and we made a book of photos.

The worst thing is seeing a child with a broken spirit

I’ve only come across a couple of children like this, and they break my heart. Then there are the children with parents who need professional help – cases of abuse, for example. It’s hard to put your emotions to one side. But that’s why watching the DVD of the parents’ behaviour at the beginning of the show is so vital. The parents often say to me, “I can’t believe I behave like that,” when they see it. I’m proud of how the shows have made parents talk. It used to be that families kept all their problems hidden, but now people seem to feel able to talk at the school gates. And that’s all thanks to those brave families who signed up for the first few shows and were happy to air their problems in public.

The hard work’s worth it

All the travelling and living out of a suitcase (I don’t own a house because I’m never in one place long enough) seems worthwhile when you get comments like the one I had recently. I was at Gatwick airport when a lady approached me holding my latest book, Jo Frost’s Confident Baby Care (Orion, £12.99). She said, “This is you, isn’t it? I’ve read six or seven others and this one has really helped me.”

I came up with the naughty step years ago

It was simply a part of everything I did when I worked as a nanny, but back then I didn’t have the name – it was just the place you went when you were naughty. I actually give advice on all aspects of parenting, but as you can see, the production company does like to focus on discipline as a staple for the show.

The Supernanny glasses aren’t a gimmick

The glasses are mine, but the suit isn’t – the production company wanted me to wear a suit so that people could tell the difference between me and the family members. But I had to put my foot down and say that I wouldn’t wear the suit for the whole time, because it’s just not practical when you’re down on the floor interacting with kids.

I was good with people even as a child

My parents say that I was a very sociable little one. When we were away on holiday I was always the one to bring back new friends to meet my family.

My earliest childhood memory is at the beach, digging in the sand

I’m at my happiest by the sea and I loved building sandcastles as a child. I was always determined to fill the moat I’d created with water from the sea, not realising that it would all drain away. I also wanted to be an archaeologist when I was younger – I used to say “I want to dig in the sand and find things from Egypt, I love Egyptology”!

I used to drive my parents mad over ice cream

As a child I always wanted an ice cream, no matter what the weather, and I would have a temper tantrum if I was told ‘no’. Nowadays my downfall is mint choc chip…

I would definitely like children one day…

I’m not in a relationship at the moment, however, so I’m not feeling broody just yet. I support National Adoption Day, though, and I believe that you can love a child even if he’s not biologically yours, so there might be that possibility in the future.

How I became Supernanny

I always loved babies, so it was natural for me to start babysitting when I was a teenager. I also loved English literature and musical theatre, so I headed off to drama college. I was still babysitting too, and I started doing more and more, and finally it became my career.

Fast-forward to 2003 and I’d covered all the different types of nannying, from troubleshooting for families to working abroad. Then I saw an advert in a magazine for a nanny with more than five years’ experience, to give advice to chaotic households. My dad used to say our phone at home was a nanny hotline because I had so many people calling for advice, so I figured the job was something I’d be good at. After an interview and stints helping two families, during which I was filmed on a camcorder, I got a call saying Channel 4 liked the pilot. The rest, as they say, is history…

Mums’ stories

“I’d just spent another mealtime in tears with Paola refusing to eat her tea. That evening I watched Jo on TV, dealing with an even fussier eater. Following Jo’s advice (using a fun reward chart and smaller portions) I was able to get Paola to try vegetables. A year on, she even eats sprouts!”

Lyn Santini, 31, from Aberystwyth, mum to Paola, 3

“My 2-year-old son, Alex, used to run off whenever we were out. I’d end up dashing after him with Chloe in the buggy. I watched Jo show a family how to get ‘little runaways’ to hold on to the buggy: no holding on, no going out. After four trips, Alex was holding on without being told to. Amazing!”

Carrie Smith, 27, from Reading, mum to Alex, 2, and Chloe, 1

Funny moments

  • “On the first day of the new show, I was being filmed walking up to the house. It was pouring with rain, and I didn’t want to get my feet wet so I was dodging puddles. I noticed that the cameraman was laughing, so I asked what was so funny. “You look like you’re drunk, swerving from side to side,” he said. Take two!”
  • “I was in Colorado with a family and I didn’t have my boots with me. As I was observing them they decided to go out in the snow, so I had to go out, too. After a while out there, I remember saying into my mic, “Help, I can’t move, can somebody get me.” My feet had frozen and I had to be carried inside. Literally, my feet had to thaw!”

18 ways to say “no” positively to a child – good tips!

Extracted from –

18 Ways to Say No Positively

“No” is a power-packed word, quick on the lips, easy to say. Your child will hear you use this word often, and you will hear it from your child as well. It’s necessary for a parent to say “no” to a child so the child can later say “no” to himself. All children—and some adults—have difficulty delaying gratification. “I want it now” is a driving desire, especially in toddlers. Learning to accept “no” from someone else is a prelude to saying “no” to herself. What gets children (and adults) into trouble is a knee-jerk, impulsive reaction to a want, an immediate “yes” without taking time to run it through their internal sensor and consider the necessity of saying “no” to themselves. Here’s how to use this negative little word to teach positive messages.

1. Strike a Balance

Too many no’s and too many yeses cripple a child’s self- discipline. It’s important to achieve the right blend of yeses and no’s in a child’s environment. If you rarely say “no” to your child, the few times that you do he’ll disintegrate because he’s not used to being frustrated. If his whole day is full of “no’s,” the child believes the world is a negative place to be and will grow up a negative person. The real world will always be full of yeses and no’s. In many homes, children soon learn who the yes parent is and who’s more likely to say “no”. Even the Ten Commandments has do’s and don’ts.

2. No’s Grow Too

The art of saying “no” develops along with your baby. During the first year, a baby’s needs and wants are the same, so that you are mainly a “yes” parent. During the second year, baby’s wants are not always safe or healthy, so you become a “yes” and “no” parent. From nine to fourteen months, no-saying is straight forward. We call them “low energy no’s.” Between fourteen and eighteen months, as babies click into overdrive, they get easily frustrated and are likely to protest being steered in a direction other than the one they want to go. This is when you will need both high energy no’s and very creative alternatives. By eighteen months, no-saying can begin to be more matter-of-fact. Parents can begin to convey an attitude of “that’s life and I’m confident you can deal with it.” By two-years-of-age toddlers are experts at saying “no”.

3. Use Creative Alternatives To “No”

one morning when she was eighteen- months-old our daughter Lauren, who was going through an impulsive phase, flitted around the house climbing and getting into everything. She was endangering herself and trashing the house. After the twentieth “no,” I was tired of hearing that word and so was Lauren. on the wall in one of our children’s bedrooms I noticed a poster of a kitten stuck out on a limb at the top of a tree. The caption read, “Lord, protect me from myself.” I realized that Lauren needed rescuing from her impulsive self. She needed a change of environment. We spent the rest of the day outside. Parks and play-yards provide space and a “yes” environment in which to roam and climb. If you find yourself isolated with a curious toddler who is flitting from thing to thing with you chasing him around the house saying “no,” consider changing to something more fun. Go outside; take along a book, plant yourself in a safe location, and let him run.


The fewer “no’s,” the better your day goes.

4. Teach Stop Signs

Even in the early months, teach baby to recognize body language that means “stop.” Your baby needs to be exposed to “stop” body language long before hearing the “no” word. The first nip on your nipple during breastfeeding will invoke an “ouch” sign on your face; the first time your baby reaches for something dangerous, your face will register alarm. You are likely to get the best results from your stop signs if your baby has been used to positive body language, so that any change makes him sit up and take notice. Your “no’s” will be more meaningful during toddlerhood if your baby sees a lot of “yes” body language: looks of pride and approval, gestures of delight and pleasure, eye-to-eye contact, hugs, tickles, and a sparkly face that says “I love you, you’re great!”We have noticed that attachment-parented children, because they spend hours a day in arms and in face-to-face contact, easily learn to read parents’ faces and body language. Having lots of face-to- face contact in the early months makes face-to-face communication easier in the months and years to come. Some children are so impressed by body language that you can get your point across without even saying a word. An expressive mother of a connected two-year-old told us: “Usually all I have to do is glance at her with a slight frown on my face, and she stops misbehaving.”

5. Teach Stop Sounds

Often a change in your mood or body language is not enough to redirect impulsive actions. Words are needed. Children soon learn which discipline words carry more power and demand a quicker response than others. And children soon learn which tone of voice means business and which allows for some latitude. Arm yourself with a variety of “stop-what-you’re- doing” sounds so that you can choose one that fits the occasion. Tailor the intensity of the sound to the gravity of the behavior. Save the really big sounds for true danger.

6. Master “The Look”

You can often correct a child without saying a word. I have noticed that master disciplinarians use a look of disapproval that stops the behavior, but preserves the child’s self-image. Martha, after disciplining eight children, has mastered “the look”: head turned a bit, eyes penetrating, just the right facial gesture and tone of voice to convey to the child “I don’t like what you’re doing, but I still feel connected to you. I know that you know better.” Remember, your eyes will disclose what you are really thinking and feeling. If you are feeling anger or contempt toward your child, that’s what she will read in your eyes. If one or both of you recognize this is happening, you will have to apologize for the harshness of the feelings communicated toward her person by “the look.” Be sure that stop signs and stop sounds stop the behavior and not the growth of self-worth in your child. Your child should understand that you disapprove of the behavior, not the child. To be certain you strike the right note in disapproval discipline, follow the look with a hug, a smile, or a forthright explanation, “I don’t like what you did, but I like you.”

7. Create Alternatives To The N-Word

Constantly saying “no” causes this word to lose its punch. Since stop sounds are used mainly to protect, try using more specific words that fit the situation. Consider this example: When a toddler is about to reach into the cat litter box your first reaction is to say “no,” but follow it up with an explanation: “Dirty! Make you sick.” Next time the child goes for the litter box (and he will do it again), instead of “no,” say “Dirty! Make you sick.” That and a disgusted expression on your face will help the child learn the why as well as the what of good behavior, and the litter box will lose its attraction. (We are assuming that the litter box is kept in a location well away from the toddler’s beaten path. Litter, like sand, is irresistible to babies.) Babies start reaching for “no-nos” around six months.Coincidentally, one day two-year-old Lauren came prancing into our study clutching a bag of peanuts. Instead of grabbing the peanuts from her and shouting “no” (they are on our chokable food list for children under three), Martha looked Lauren straight in the eyes and calmly said, “Not for Lauren.” Her tone of voice and concerned look stopped Lauren in her tracks. Martha picked Lauren up (still clutching the peanuts) and headed off for the pantry where they found a safer snack. By using our standard “not for Lauren” phrase and giving her a safe alternative, she didn’t have time to consider throwing a fit, which a “no” surely would have produced. In any family there will be items that are “not for” the little one. When you use this phrase calmly and consistently from early on the toddler understands you are protecting him.

“No” is so easy to say. It requires no thought. It’s knee-jerk automatic, yet irritatingly oppressive. Saying “cannot” communicates more and you’ll use it more thoughtfully (i.e. in situations where baby truly cannot proceed). You’re respecting his mind as you protect his body. In our experience, babies respond to “stop” better than to “no.” It gets the child’s attention, and stops behavior long enough for you to plan other strategies. “Stop” is protective rather than punitive. “No” invites a clash of wills, but even strong-willed children will usually stop momentarily to evaluate a “stop” order, as if they sense danger ahead. Strong-minded children often ignore “no” if they’ve heard it a thousand times before. Even “stop” loses its command value if overused.

8. Use “The Voice”

Besides mastering “the look,” reserve a special tone of voice for those occasions when you must get your point across. A veteran disciplinarian shared her secret with us: “I am an easy-going mommy, but my children know just by my tone of voice when they have crossed the line. one day our two-year-old was misbehaving and our four-year-old said, “Don’t mess with Mommy when she talks like that!”

9. Give Positive Subs

Present a positive with your negative: “You can’t have the knife, but you can have the ball.” Use a convincing expression to market the “can do” in order to soften the “can’t do.” “You can’t go across the street,” you say with a matter-of-fact tone of voice; then carefully state, “You can help Mommy sweep the sidewalk.” There is a bit of creative marketing in every mother.

10. Avoid Set-ups

If you’re taking your child along with you to a toy store to buy a birthday present for your child’s friend, realize that you are setting yourself up for a confrontation. Your child is likely to want to buy everything in the store. To avoid the inevitable “No, you can’t have that toy,” before you go into the store tell him that you are there to buy a birthday present and not a toy for him so that he is programmed not to expect a toy.

11. “No” Is a Child’s Word, Too

Prepare yourself to be on the receiving end of “no.” Your two-year-old has just run out the door. You ask her to come back. She yells “no!” Your first reaction is likely to be, “This little pip-squeak is not going to talk back to me that way. I’ll show her who’s boss…” (In our family, being disrespectful is a real “no-no.”) Understanding what’s behind that two-year-old and that two-letter word will help you accept this normal toddler behavior. Don’t take “no” personally. Saying “no” is important for a child’s development, and for establishing his identity as an individual. This is not defiance or a rejection of your authority. Some parents feel they cannot tolerate any “no’s” at all from their children, thinking that to permit this would undermine their authority. They wind up curtailing an important process of self-emergence. Children have to experiment with where their mother leaves off and where they begin. Parents can learn to respect individual wishes and still stay in charge and maintain limits. As your child gets older, the ability to get along with peers in certain situations (stealing, cheating, drugs, and so on), will depend on her ability to say “no”.By eighteen months Lauren had surmised that “no” meant we wanted her to stop what she was doing. one day she was happily playing with water at the kitchen sink. As she saw me approaching, and in anticipation of me stopping her play, she blurted out an emphatic “No, Dad!” Lauren had staked out her territory, and she had concluded she had a right to do this. Her “no” meant she was guarding her space.

12. Use a Funny “No”

One afternoon I (Martha) walked into the TV room and saw Matthew and his friend watching a video that the older children had rented and watched the day before. (Later I found out Matthew had also watched it at that time.) I took one look at the movie and realized I would have to ask him to turn it off. Besides, it was the middle of the day and the boys should have been playing outside. As I stood watching the movie for a few moments planning my course of action, I caught the flavor of the character in the movie and in a spurt of inspiration decided to use humor to say no. As I clicked off the TV, I spun around on my heels and launched into a monologue using the character’s facial expressions, accent, and hand gestures. I must have done a good job of impersonating this actor because both boys sat staring at me wide-eyed as though they couldn’t believe their mom was capable of such improvised insanity. They both jumped up and headed out the door as the voice of this character told them to find something better to do. They were still laughing.

13. Personalize “No”

We are convinced Lauren is destined for public relations. Her “no, dad” was the diplomatic way to say no. By adding “dad” she personalized her message. Rather than giving a dictatorial “no,” we add the child’s name. If you tend to shout, a personalized address at least softens the sound and respects the listener. Some parents confuse respecting the child with granting him equal power, but this is not a power issue. The person with the power should respect the person taken charge of. That consideration holds true in parenting; it holds true in other relationships as well.

14. Have a “Yes” Day

Jill, mother of five-year-old Andrew, confided to me, “I don’t like what’s happening to me. I want to enjoy being a mother but our whole day is spent in conflict with each other. Andrew won’t mind when I ask him to do even the simplest things. I’m becoming a cranky person, and I want to be a happy mother.” I advised her, “Tell Andrew exactly what you want. Say ‘I want to be a happy Mommy, not a cranky Mommy. (or ask Andrew ‘Would you rather have a happy Mommy or a cranky Mommy?’) To help me be a happy Mommy, we’re going to have yes days. Every time I ask you to do something and you say ‘yes Mommy,’ I’m going to put a yes on the chart. At the end of the day if there are more yeses than no’s, that’s a yes day, and we’ll do something special together.'” (or, let Andrew mark yes on his own chart.) Soon Andrew will realize that the happy Mommy is more fun to be with than the cranky Mommy, which will motivate him to continue having yes days.

15. Be Considerate

When you have to stop a behavior, there is no reason to be rude. For example, your baby discovers the tape dispenser someone left out. This is a wonderful toy. Instead of descending on him and snatching it from his hands, causing him to wail pitifully as you carry him off, you can take a few moments to explore it with him. Then you say “bye-bye” to the tape and hand him a decent length of the fascinating stuff to compensate for not getting the whole roll as you head off for a perhaps less interesting, but more age-appropriate activity.

16. When You Say It, Mean It

Follow through on your directives. For months we said to Lauren that in order to have bedtime stories she had to submit to toothbrushing. And for months it worked, sometimes easily, sometimes with a certain amount of coaxing and saying, “okay, no stories…” one night she decided to test me (Martha). I could tell by the set of her jaw and firmly shut lips that she finally was “calling my bluff.” So rather than proceed with my coaxing and humoring, I calmly said “okay, no stories!” I turned off the lights and carried her to bed. She fussed a bit as I lay there with her, because she realized I had called her bluff and now the lights were out—the irreversible sign that the next step was to go to sleep. After that, toothbrushing went unchallenged and stories were reinstated.

17. Are You a Mother Who Can’t Say No

In their zeal to give their children everything they need, some parents risk giving their children everything they want. Mothers who practice attachment parenting risk becoming totally “yes” mothers, with “no” being foreign to their parenting style.It is important for the mother to feel comfortable saying ‘no’ to her little one from the very beginning. In fact, it begins when she teaches her newborn to latch on to the breast correctly. It is the mother’s first discipline situation— to show baby how to latch on properly so that he can get fed sufficiently and she can avoid sore nipples. Some mothers cannot do this. They are afraid to be assertive for fear of causing baby to cry. They would rather let the baby do it wrong and put up with the pain. She will say ‘no’ early on when he yanks her hair or bites the breast while nursing. By telling him to stop because it hurts, she is beginning to teach boundaries. Serious no-saying comes with toddlerhood. Besides the literal word ‘no’ there are many ways to communicate that something is not safe or appropriate. Whether she says “stop that” or “put it down” or “not safe,” or she physically redirects her toddler’s activity, she is consistently and gently redirecting behavior and teaching boundaries. Whatever the terminology, saying ‘no’ is not a negative thing. It is a way of giving, and it takes a lot of effort. Mothers who can’t say ‘no’ will have a big problem on their hands down the line. They become the moms that we see getting yanked around like puppets by their preschoolers.

When mothers begin saying ‘no’ at the appropriate times—confidently, firmly, and lovingly—It does not threaten the child. It might wrinkle him for a few minutes because he doesn’t like hearing ‘stop’ or ‘wait’ or whatever the word might be that you pick.

18. When Your Child Won’t Accept No

Children, especially those with a strong will, try to wear parents down. They are convinced they must have something or their world can’t go on. They pester and badger until you say “yes” just to stop the wear and tear on your nerves. This is faulty discipline. If however, your child’s request seems reasonable after careful listening, be willing to negotiate. Sometimes you may find it wise to change your mind after saying “no”. While you want your child to believe your “no” means no, you also want your child to feel you are approachable and flexible. It helps to hold your “no” until you’ve heard your child out. If you sense your child is uncharacteristically crushed or angry at your “no,” listen to her side. Maybe she has a point you hadn’t considered or her request is a bigger deal to her than you imagined. Be open to reversing your decision, if warranted. Make sure, though, that she realizes it was not her “wear down” tactics that got the reversal of your decision.Our daughter Erin seems destined to become a trial lawyer; she pleads her case with logic and emotion. Eventually, we learned to say “no” without discouraging Erin’s creative persistence. When Erin wanted a horse, we said “no” (we had too many dependents already). Erin persisted. By trial and error we’ve learned that any big wish in a child, no matter how ridiculous, merits hearing the child’s viewpoint. We listened attentively and empathetically while Erin presented her horse wish. We countered, “Erin, we understand why you want a horse. You could have a lot of fun riding and grooming a horse, and some of your friends have horses.” (We wanted Erin to feel we understood her point of view). “But we have to say no; and we will not change our minds. Now let’s sit down and calmly work this out.” (Letting the child know her request is non-negotiable diffuses the child’s steam and saves you from getting worn down.) “You are not yet ready to care for a horse.” (We enumerated the responsibilities that went along with the fun of owning a horse.) “When you have finished another six months of lessons and you show us that you can be responsible for a horse, we’ll talk about it then.” Nine months later Tuffy was added to our list of dependents. Erin got her horse and she learned some valuable lessons in life: how to delay her gratification, and with privileges come responsibilities.

Nanny Personality and Risk Assessments – Benefits and challenges

Extracted from –

Nanny personality and risk assessments are psychological tests that help parents assess potential Nannies, Au Pairs or Babysitters. The tests provide a better insight into the caregiver’s personality and traits, as well as an assessment of possible risk factors, and allow parents to select the best possible nanny. Similar tests are used by corporate and government organizations worldwide (including some 80% of the US Fortune 500 companies and 75% of the UK Times 100 companies) as well as by some Nanny, Babysitter and Au Pair agencies and childcare organizations. As a matter of fact, such tests are mandated by the US government for all Au Pair agencies.

Why are such tests needed? Aren’t interviews and checking references sufficient to select a nanny? Most recruitment specialists agree that the validity of interviews is quite low, even when conducted by trained professionals. Most parents are not trained interviewers and are usually lacking the necessary experience to properly formulate interview questions, read between the lines of what the applicant says, interpret non-verbal signs and body language, etc.

A Nanny Personality and Risk Assessment test can be considered as a very detailed and structured interview that overcomes some of the parents’ face-to-face interview limitations.  The test includes several hundred questions, covering all relevant issues, including questions which parents may feel uncomfortable to ask in a face-to-face interview. Personal traits covered may include responsibility, obedience and discipline, self control, emotional stability, coping with pressure, positive attitude and service awareness. Risk assessment issues should include violent behavior, drug abuse, drinking problems, truthful reporting, respect to property and more. In a similar manner to an ordinary interview, online interactive tests of this sort allow different questions to be asked according to prior responses, as well as provide real-time feedback to the applicant triggered by specific answers that are considered problematic.

Yet, the main benefit of the Nanny Personality and Risk Assessment test is in the accuracy of the information provided. A properly constructed and administered test includes various mechanisms which are aimed at identifying misleading and inaccurate responses; the large number of questions (some repeating themselves in different versions), the way those questions are structured (which may sometimes seem peculiar), the time constraints and some additional mechanisms (which won’t be detailed in this article for obvious reasons).

Using a Nanny Personality and Risk assessment by parents may also create certain challenges. Some parents are concerned that the use of such a test may offend an applicant and create a bad impression. While this may be true and certain applicants may even refuse to take such tests, parents should always keep in mind that such tests are a standard procedure for applicants in many business and government organizations, as well as part of the screening process in a number of Nanny and Au Pair agencies. There is really no good reason why parents recruiting a nanny on their own, will not benefit from the use of such assessments. There is no other position as important and as critical as that of a child caregiver. Parents shouldn’t compromise on the screening process and use all possible means to make the best-informed decision. To minimize objections, parents should explain to the nanny about the test, why they feel it is important, and ask her to put herself in their place, facing a similar decision about her own kids.

Another challenge is for parents to avoid using the test results as a single decision factor. Parents should keep in mind that Nanny Personality and Risk assessments do not replace interviews or any other component of the existing caregiver screening process. As any other psychological tool, they are not 100% accurate and should be considered a decision supporting tool and not a decision making tool. When hiring a nanny, parents should always interview applicants, check references and use their intuition, which is as important and useful as any scientific tool.

Nanny Personality and Risk Assessments should be used correctly to ensure test results are valid. The applicant must read fluently the language in which the test is administered. Applicants who are not fluent in the test language should not be tested. Tests are also designed for a specific purpose. For example, a test designed to assess applicants for a job should not be used for self-test purposes, such as by someone who wishes to check if he is suitable for a certain position or occupation.

Designed and used correctly, Nanny Personality and Risk assessments are invaluable for parents who are looking for a nanny for their child, and should become a standard component of the screening process of any childcare provider.

Written by Yossi Pinkas, TakeCare,